Tomorrow...

So tomorrow is the day when Ryan and I find out if our baby is a he or she. 

And I am a ball of nerves. 

Of course, I'm thrilled. So much so that I can't go more than 3 or 4 minutes without thinking about that exciting moment when the doctor says, "It's a _____!" I have been dreaming (literally) about this for several weeks and as the hours tick down the anticipation builds. 

But with that excitement comes worry. 

Not only will we be finding out the gender, but there will also be anatomy scans done to confirm that the heart, brain, spine, etc is all forming correctly. 

Knowing that, I find myself in a constant state of prayer. Praying that everything is developing correctly and trying to trust that no matter what, this is what God has planned for us. 

I wish I could be this super Christian that could honestly say that I want whatever He gives us. 

But I would be lying. 

I want a perfect, ten finger and toes, squishy, Ryan's thick hair, little baby. And while I hate to admit this, God already knows my heart without even speaking any words. So I pray not just for our baby, but for me too. For my eyes and heart to be open to this life that was known long before Ryan and I were even married. For me to let go of my preconceived thoughts of what I think would be perfect and to realize that maybe I don't always know what's best for me. 

I don't say this because I think that anything is wrong, in fact, I trust and know that tomorrow will be an exciting day filled with news of a healthy, growing baby. Sometimes I just feel the need to be real about things and since I don't keep a journal, this is the place. 

....and if any of my 3 readers see this tomorrow before 1:45 p.m., would you pray with me too?